Life and Death

I despise both life and death. With the unending despair that I have, I despise life. With the endless lonliness that I feel, I despise death. With life, I fear that I will always be in despair. With death, I fear that I will still feel alone. With these realizations, an overwhelming darkness consumed me. I feel only lonliness, despair, fear, sorrow and hatred. I've been blinded by the darkness. It isn't worth living, and it isn't worth dying. Torn between the two, my darkness grows stronger and my life only darker. I struggle to sustain my sanity and my soul is divided in two. My light grows dimmer with each passing day. Hate has become me, death consumed me, and I fear my rage will destroy me... When I dream, I dream of the endless torment of the never ending struggle between the two that inhabit this body. So many numerous shapes and sizes, the opposite forces continue in the struggle to best each other. If I continue on this path, I fear the darkness will devour me whole. With the inability to change my path myself, I can only pray that there is someone who has the power to help me with this burden of darkness. But how can I be sure that I can find her? The confusion in my heart keeps me in darkness. The voices I hear tell me not to risk the hearts of others in my struggles... And they tell me to destroy the hearts of others. One is light and one is darkness, but neither speaks the truth. My soul is divided in two and my mind is tormented. My heart cries out in pain only to be silenced by its sorrow... I've come to a new conclusion... I will not follow the light and I will not hail to the darkness. Instead I will listen to my heart, the neutrility of the two forces that conflict themselves inside of me. My heart tells me that one day, I will find the answers to my questions... And one day, I will have to make a decisition between the sides. I hope that I can find the one with the power to help, and that she will guide me to the right path. I can only pray that I do not drag her into the despair of hell's fiery grasp.